Musings

Now that I have your attention…

People these days are so obvious. They are what they are. There are hardly any surprises.

I have an amazing ability to be able to determine everything about a person by first just looking at that person and then speaking a few words with them. This works about 95% of the time, where I can effectively formulate how a person’s personality is, there likes, and dislikes, clothing style and personal preferences. Some may call this judging a person before I get to know them – I call this social strategy. By accurately assessing a person, I am able to properly approach them in the most suitable manner. But there is another important benefit to this ability that is not so obvious and cannot be measured in quantitative terms.

By focusing on the known qualities of a person and then using this information to extrapolate their entire life, it does not leave a lot of room for surprises.

But then there is that small 5% that throw me off with something unexpected and I can tell you with all honesty, it is fucking sweet.

That 5% are the ones I strive to know. That 5% are the ones I admire and respect at the same time. To those who can keep me on my toes at all times and are spontaneous and exciting – those are the types of people I endeavor to surround myself with.

Why you ask? For the singular reason that monotony will ultimately be the death of us all; whether we like it or not.

Relatively, all of our lives play out exactly the same. We go to school, we finish school, we work every day, our daily work hardly ever changes, we retire and we then we die. This is just an outline of life as a whole, but few can argue that I am incorrect in this assessment. That is why I try to surround myself with those special individuals who refuse to conform and buck the normalcy of society in order to seek out something better and more invigorating than what is known. What is known is safe and boring. What is unknown and unexpected provides trepidation, fear, angst and numerous other feelings that all have a common base – they spark a cascading emotional response.

Still not getting it? Let me paint a picture for you in order to make my point a little more lucid.

Here are two divergent life paths of one man – you tell me which life is more appealing.

The man we shall analyze goes by his government name of Edward Bartleby. Sounds like a very unassuming person right? Sounds like a person who should be a stenographer or doing your taxes – well guess what, he does. Edward loves numbers for some reason and due to this unusual infatuation; he chose the dangerous career of being a tax accountant as his profession of choice. Edward likes to toe the line as you can tell. He has no other interests or hobbies other than a peculiar dedication to taking a part items and rebuilding them, whether it be working on an engine of a car or a model airplane. When it comes to his avocation, he is not the best at his job, but he is not the worst, he is what he is. He takes no incredibly joy from what he does, but he has no ill will towards it either – he is satisfied. He has a girlfriend by the name of Gertrude and he is inclined to marry her for the sole reason that it seems like the next logical step and doesn’t really see how things would change from what they currently are. Gertrude is as ordinary as one can possibly be. She is very quiet and passive and has no opinions of her own, yet is very loyal and dedicated to those around her and to what she does. She is saving herself for her marriage, most likely with her boyfriend Edward since it seems like the next logical step. She’s not sure if she loves Edward, she doesn’t really know what she’s supposed to feel at all, but she knows that his company is pleasant to her.

One day, as Edward makes his daily trip to Subway to order the Cold Cut Trio, just as he does every day, something happens that could potentially forever change his world. He orders his sandwich and proceeds to walk to his car when he notices that the car parked next to him is still running and is currently emitting some kind of gaseous substance from the engine. He looks around and see’s nobody around the car – who’s car could it be?

He’s not sure who the owner’s car is, but his innate desire to fix objects of a mechanical nature suddenly becomes intrigued and he proceeds to do what he can for the distressed car. He manages to assuage the amount of foreign emissions that are emanating from the car for a moment and then begins to discern what could be the source of the problem. Right when he is about to determine the problem at hand, he hears footsteps come from behind him and turns around only for his eyes to behold a beautiful sultry dark haired vixen with a mouth watering body. She begins to open her mouth and say something to him, but at that moment all of his senses congeal into something singular and incoherent, as he is completely mesmerized by her beauty – clearly she must be thanking him for his efforts.

He sees her lift up an object to his face and then a shrilly shriek pierces through his love induced haze.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY CAR?!?!?”

Enter mace to Edward’s eyes. Exit loving gratitude stage right.

Clearly Edward had gotten his signals mixed up. But he had no time to think about how he had gotten to this point

A nearby passerby rushes to the scene and explains to the sultry dark haired vixen that Edward had only come to help out, like a good Samaritan, since he noticed the engine was smoking.

Enter emotional rush of embarrassment and awkwardness.

Fifteen minutes later…

The pain had somewhat subsided from Edward’s eyes at this point and the sultry dark haired vixen, who’s given name was Eden, asks Edward what she could do to make it up to him for not only attacking him but repaying him for his help with her car.

Enter figurative fork in the road.

Edward has two conflicting compulsions at this point. This woman is by far the most beautiful woman he has ever known personally in his entire existence on this planet and she obviously is not only indebted to him, but is also very taken by his good hearted nature to go out of his way to help a stranger in distress. His carnal desires and instincts instruct him to run with these feelings and see where the road shall lead with this woman forgetting his past life up to this point.

Edward’s side of reason on the other hand, parades in a faint memory that involves numbers and boring yet loyal girlfriend who may or may not transform into a soon to be wife.

What should he do? Both options have their pros and cons. Both have their long lasting effects – some good, some bad. One path will lead to security, assurance and certainty. The other is completely founded upon the here and now; a temporal base that is as chaotic as the emotions of its inhabitants.

Therein lies the answer. Everyone seeks out happiness in their life, but not at the expense of safety, security and certainty. Let’s be honest – Eden is nothing more than a potential fling. Gertrude is a for sure thing; the potential for a good wife and a decent mother. Why would one risk that for something that will most assuredly be a relationship with a ticking time bomb attached to it?

Because regret is spiteful bitch.

Passing up a for sure thing may be a huge gamble that could have short term and long term damning effects, but regret lasts a life time. Nobody ever wants to live their entire life thinking – what if?

Obviously you can tell that I would go with the carnal desires and run away with Eden. But that’s me. I enjoy spontaneity. I thrive on it. It’s definitely a fearful and scary entity, but sometimes we all need to get the shit scared out of us once in a while just to know that we are still alive.

What does Edward decide to do? That is a story for another day. On to the more pressing matters.

Some humorous images of the week…

“And walking down the runway is Estelle wearing the latest from the stylish mind of MC Hammer”

“Girls Night Out!”

“I’m really getting tired of being picked last”

“You’re so hot right now Mikey. Can I call you Mikey?”

“I love me some baby!”

“Spider sense tingling! Bill’s fondling a woman’s breasts right now!”

“I’m…too sexy for my suit. Too sexy for my cape. Too sexy!”

-Roxbury